C’mon, seriously?

So, you opened up a new restaurant accompanied by an attached bakery with its own store front and you are going to fill my bread basket with day old bread? Are you even trying?

You just sent me a dessert topped with blanched almonds that have clearly sat around someplace for too long and have that slightly rancid taste going on. I let the waiter know that you are serving this to customers. You just sent the waiter to inform me that the almonds are fresh and they taste the way blanched almonds are supposed to taste. As if these are the first blanched almonds I have ever tasted and as though I am not 40 year old man who is hanging on by a thread.

“This piece of fish is spoiled,” I told you. “Our fish is fresh! Caught fresh!.” you shouted.
“Here, just smell this.”
“What!! It’s fresh! You show me nothing!!”
“No, you didn’t really smell it, you gotta get in here and really smell it.” I shove it right up to your nose.
“Son of a B&@$!! It is spoiled!”
“That’s what I said.”
“I Sorry to you! You come every day, I give you free chips.”



Take my poll please.

I will show you how to make one of these.


500 Years From Now

500 years from now, an archeologist who happens to stumble upon my former living site will probably be thinking thoughts that are very similar to those that a worker in a Chinese plastic products factory is probably having right this very second.  “These people are really into some weird plastic stuff.  What do they do with all of this crap?  Is that a zebra striped lizard with a neon pink plastic tongue.  Is this used in a religious practice?”